


Chaos and Order

by tricksy_dancer_hobbit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Action/Adventure, Disabled Character, Family Drama, Gen, IN SPACE!, Old Republic Era, Original Character-centric, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5790574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricksy_dancer_hobbit/pseuds/tricksy_dancer_hobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nova Gri grew up knowing only the Sith Empire.  She grew up learning of the glory of the Empire and knowing that one day, if she worked hard enough, she would master the Dark Side of the Force and become a powerful Darth.  However, as she enters adulthood, Nova discovers that there's a lot more to the galaxy (and her family history) than she thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Korriban

Today was probably the most important day in all the seventeen years of Nova Gri’s life, but this morning felt surprisingly unremarkable. She should have felt excited, or nervous, or proud, or anything, really. Instead she just felt tired. The night before, however, gave her plenty of excitement and nerves, and was probably why she felt so exhausted now. Instead of getting a proper rest, Nova laid awake and wondered what the Sith Academy on Korriban would be like, and also mentally kicking herself for thinking up a witty comeback too many hours too late. “Just because you’re my child doesn’t mean I’m going to select you to be my apprentice. I could find someone better,” her mother had said. “And maybe I could find someone better to be my master,” was what Nova wished she had thought to say at the right time.

Exhausted or not, there was no need to linger around in bed, especially not since laziness was a terrible weakness. Nova didn’t bother looking in the mirror as she dressed and wove her dark red hair into a braid. As long as she worked carefully,the tips of her fingers were enough to let her know that her clothes were tidy and her hair was neat. It would not have done much good to take a look at her reflection, anyway. Anything much further than the tip of her nose was a hazy blur, and while cybernetics may have been able to fix her eyes, her mother had always been strongly opposed to the idea. It was supposed to give her an advantage: to make her connection to the Force stronger as she used it to “see.” In reality, it didn’t quite work like that. Force or no, Nova’s world was still a blur, and what the Force told her about her surroundings was a different sense entirely. She couldn’t see if the ground beneath her feet was uneven or if an object was flying toward her head, but she knew if it was there.

Stepping off of the ship and into the spaceport, the air was already dry and hot. That was enough to help her wake up a little more, but at the same time she dreaded stepping out into the open air. It would only feel worse under the heat of the sun.

That long awaited sense of excitement (and just a little fear) finally began to take hold. Her heart beat a little faster, and her back and shoulders became a little tenser. She nearly jumped when another young initiate called to her.

“You there!” The young man shouted as he rushed toward her, pointing an accusing finger. As he came closer, Nova could see that he had cropped blond hair and was close to her own modest height. “You walked right past me without paying the proper respect.”

Perplexed, Nova inclined her head to one side. Large though this young man’s ego was, she didn’t think he seemed like anyone important. “Sorry,” she answered with a shrug. “But how can I know what respects are due if I don’t know who you are?”

The blond initiate puffed up his chest. “I suppose I can’t expect everyone to know an important figure when they meet one. My name is Gav Lokar of Balmorra. I come from a long line of very prmoment Sith.”

“Right. I’m Nova Gri of...nowhere important,”

“You know, I heard that it’s advantageous for new initiates to forge allegiances, even though they often end up being temporary.” Gav walked ahead, forcing Nova to match his pace so they could continue to talk. “I intend to find as many new allies as I can. You know, you would be at a great advantage to have me on your side.”

Nova distinctly remembered her mother warning her against forming alliances too quickly, and that was one piece of advice she would be happy to follow.

“I’ll think about it,” Nova answered with a shrug. “Maybe.”

Gav turned to face her and narrowed his eyes. “You would be quite a fool to refuse my offer.”

“I haven’t refused anything!” Nova snapped in a defensive tone, holding her hands up in front of herself. “I said I’ll think about it, and I meant it.” She didn’t.

Gav looked at her with narrowed eyes for another moment before he began to walk and talk again. “By the by, have you heard who all is looking for a new apprentice? I only know that Darth Bezor is. My father speaks very highly of her and thinks I would be an ideal candidate.”

Nova had to choke back a laugh. “Darth Bezor? Believe me, she’s not as great as people say.”

A look of shock and disgust formed on Gav’s face as he stopped in his tracks. “You’re a disrespectful one, aren’t you?”

“I didn’t mean to be disrespectful, but believe me, I know her very well.” Nova kept walking forward as a brisk pace, hoping Gav wouldn’t try to catch up. No such luck, he moved quickly to be back at her side again.

“Liar! If you were important enough to know Darth Bezor I would have heard of you,” Gav scoffed.

“Well, it’s up to you what you want to believe,” Nova replied with a little smirk. Immediately, she broke into a light jog to put more distance between herself and the other initiate.

She took some small comfort in knowing that if Gav Lokar got his wish her mother would not be able to stand him.


	2. Learning Curve

One day in and Nova was already hated Korriban. It was the weather that bothered her: the dry air, the scorching sun (the tender skin under her eyes and across her nose was already burnt and raw), and the sand. The heat didn't bother her, though. She probably spent more time on Drommund Kass than anywhere else, and sometimes it was nearly as hot there, just very wet and very dark.

Nova already learned to be grateful for any moments she could spend inside and away from the oppressive sun. Unfortunately, most of that time was spent on the more boring part of training: classes practicing, meetings, and the other necessary things that seemed to get in the way of the real excitement.

The group gathered for this lesson was small. There were four initiates with their practice blades: Nova and Gav and two who Nova had not yet met. Once was a tall young man with dark skin and a shaved head and a slender girl who looked much younger than the others. Nova tried to keep her distance from Gav and hoped to meet the other initiates, but he still stuck close to her side.

"So, have you given any more thought to my proposal?" he asked with a sly smile on his face.

"Some, but I haven't decided yet," she answered, even though her mind was made up. Nova would rather kiss a Hutt than try to make Gav Lokar into any sort of an ally, but she still proceeded carefully. "I want to wait to see how you fight first."

"Glad to hear it. I know you won't be disappointed once you see my skills in action." There was an unmistakable air of smug arrogance in his voice. "And you should also know..."

Gave stopped mid-sentence, staring wide eyes and just a little frightened at something behind Nova. She slowly turned to look and saw that another person had joined them. Though he was still too far away for Nova to see clearly, Nova had no doubt in her mind: this man was their instructor. He was a smaller man, but the bold way he carried himself and the dark energy he seemed to give off more than made up for it. 

The instructor narrowed his eyes and took his time to study each initiate, a distinct look of disgust on his face. He cleared his throat to speak. "For those of you who I have no yet met, my name is Darth Zythyr, and I will have the...pleasure of teaching you the basic principles of combat and of using the the Force. I have high expectations of all of my pupils, and for anyone who fails to meet my expectations the consequences will be dire. I hope you understand by now that your emotions will be the fuel to your powers. That is one of the many advantages we have over the Jedi: Sith use their passions as a tool while the Jedi blatantly deny them" He paused to look from one initiate to another and looked at the young looking girl. "You. Tell me your name and one emotion you can use to enhance your power and how."

"My name is Jemma Korin, my lord, and my answer is...anger. It makes you want to lash out violently, to cause harm."

Darth Zythyr gave her a small nod. "Very good. An obvious answer, but still a very accurate one." He pointed to the tall initiate. "And you?"

"Roth Caltreii, and hatred. It makes your blood boil, can make you narrowly focused on a goal, and also makes you want to lash out and cause harm."

"Two good answers," Darth Zythyr replied with a small nod. "I hope I can hear two more."

"Passion!" Gav shouted, as if he couldn't keep his response to himself any longer. "My name is Gav Lokar, my lord. Passion is what drives you to work hard, to move forward. It's what makes life worth living and every fight worth winning."

Darth Zythyr nodded again. "Yes, correct, and I admire your enthusiasm." He looked and pointed at Nova. "You've been very quiet, I hope you have a good answer save for us."

"Yes my lord. My name is Nova Gri, and my answer is..." She paused for just a moment. "Fear, because it gives you the urge to do whatever you must to survive, even pushing past your body's normal limitations if you need to."

Gav did not hold back and laughed out loud at that. "Fear? Can you believe her? Fear is a weakness."

"Fear is a weakness if you let it control you, if you let it keep you from taking action." Darth Zythyr replied. Gav stopped laughing as soon as he spoke. "But if you can control your fear, not an easy feat, it can give you as much power as anger, passion, or hatred. Think of any animal. They are at their fiercest, strongest, and fastest when their life is in immediate danger. A Sith is, of course, a far cry from an animal, but from time to time we may feel the same impulses and instincts."

Nova gave a smug smile of her own to Gav. Now, if mild irritation could also fuel one's connection to the Dark Side, she'd be well on her way toward becoming the best Darth to ever live.

Zyther gave another narrow eyed glance to his pupils before he spoke again. "Keep these principles in mind as I sort you into pairs to spar. Any anger, hatred, fear, or passion you hold inside yourself, unleash that on your partner. Gav and Roth, step forward."

Both initiates obeyed the order and readied their practice blades, but Gav struck first and before Roth was ready. However, Roth was quick enough to parry the first blow. The two of them fought very differently. Roth was calculated and elegant, while Gav was aggressive and reckless. Roth seemed to be pacing himself and saving his strength, while Gav put his full force into every movement.

Gav's more aggressive style seemed to be advantageous at the start, as he landed a solid blow on Roth's shoulder, but Roth's more careful planning and control let him conserve his energy. The bout went on for some time without another landed blow from either fighter. Gav was visibly exhausted, weaker and less precise with each blow, but even with his injured shoulder Roth was nearly as strong and forceful with each blow. Gav could no longer keep up the strength to parry each blow, and he yielded.

Huffing to catch his breath, he pointed an accusing finger at Roth. "He got lucky! I demand a rematch, with him or with anyone else here, that was not a true show of my abilities!"

A wicked smile formed on Darth Zythyr's face. "Freshly defeated, still tired from the last fight, and hopeful to try again? Such pride. Does anyone want to give him his wish?"

"I do," Nova said boldly as she stepped forward. Mostly she just wanted to beat his ass and was not above taking advantage of his worn down, weakened state. She readied her practice blade, as did Gav, even though he was still huffing from his first bout.

Gav swung first, but the blow was weak and uncontrolled. Nova was able to block it easily, focusing on her connection to the Force to tell her where her opponent's blade was moving. Gav threw the weight of his whole body into the next blow, but Nova was able to block that one, and the next as well. Gave lost his balance and stumbled, and Nova took advantage of his instability and swung a strong blow toward his shoulder. Gav stumbled again, now doubled over and shaky on his feet. Nova struck his other shoulder, just to be thorough.

"I yield!" he shouted. "I could have beat you if I wasn't so exhausted, but I yield."

Nova let that smug smile creep back on her face. Her first class at the Academy was going wonderfully. Or, so she thought.

Darth Zythyr narrowed his eyes at Nova. "I'm not impressed. You defeated defeated a worn out, weaker opponent, and I want to see how you fare against someone who still has more strength and energy to spare. Jemma, step forward."

The young looking girl stepped forward, and a cocky smile appeared on Nova's face. She didn't feel at all tired from her fight with Gav, and this girl was so small she couldn't possibly be very strong.

Nova and Jemma took a ready stance. With all the strength she had, Nova swung her blade toward Jemma, but she was block. Again she swung, and again she was blocked. Already she felt foolish for going in so over confident, and the muscles in her upper body felt strained and sore.

Jemma was not very strong, but she was impossibly fast. Soon Nova was short of breath from trying to keep up, and it was not a pace she could hope to sustain. Her movements became weak and uncontrolled, and she could no longer block all of Jemma's quick little blows. One struck her shoulder, but despite her pain (and bruised ego) she was able to block the next one...and only the next one. Jemma struck her other shoulder, and though the more rational part of her mind told her to yield, she was determined to keep going. She swung her blade again with all her might: a hit, but it didn't seem to slow Jemma down. Nova was dizzy and aching, but still standing and still swinging her weapon, even though she was unable to block most of Jemma's blows. Everything ached, and her muscles strained, but maybe she could still find the energy to keep going.

"Enough!" Darthy Zyhtyr shouted, holding up one hand. Nova could not recall ever having felt so relived. "I've seen everything I need to see. Before me I have one initiate who fights with control and grace, one who is very quick and nimble, and two..." he looked from Nova to Gav. "...With more pride than skill. Jemma and Roth, you are done for the day. Gav and Nova, the two of you will need more practice.The Valley of the Dark Lords is overrun with vermin. Go and slaughter as many of them as you can, and if you survive maybe there will be some hope for you. Everyone, provided everyone is still living, will report back at the same time tomorrow. Is that understood?"

"Yes, my Lord," the group said in unison. Nova did not waste another moment and dashed on ahead, eager to get started on her task even though her aching body probably needed rest. She would rather take her chances alone than have to work alongside Gav.


	3. Pest Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeep. It's been a while since I've played on Korriban in SWTOR. Kind of going off of the wiki and vague memories here. Heh.

Stepping outside, Nova felt the heat of the blazing sun on her head and felt the crunch of the sand beneath her feet. She kept a brisk pace, hoping that would make it clear that she wanted to go on alone. However, behind her, she heard rushing footsteps and the call of a familiar voice. It was also the last voice she wanted to hear.

"Nova!" Gav slowed his pace as he got closer, and Nova stopped and turned to face him. "I'm surprised to see you heading off on your own. I thought you would have to reason to refuse my allegiance now."

"You mean now that I know how terrible you are at fighting? I'd be stupid to actually want you as an ally." Her tone was teasing, and she couldn't help it. It had been wonderfully satisfying to see him defeated and then to bring him down again herself.

"And you'd be stupider to think you can survive out there on your own!" Gave snapped, defensively. "You have no skills to brag about, and I know I could have defeated you easily if only I weren't so so exhausted from my first round!"

Nova pursed her lips. He did have a point (except about being about to beat her, that would remain to be seen). "So I need you, and you need me. I'll work with you, but just this once. I'm not your ally."

"I don't need you, Nova. I pity you."

"Right." She tried not to roll her eyes. "So, do you have any idea of what's out here?" Nova started to walk along again, at a slower steady pace even though she still wanted to run away from Gav at a full sprint.

"I...was hoping you would know," Gav answered with a small shrug. "There can't be anything too dangerous. Zythyr just said there vermin, didn't he? It's probably just overgrown rats and spiders."

"Well that's optimistic. I was under the impression that this was supposed to be some kind of possibly lethal punishment."

For just a moment there was a distinct look of panic on Gav's face, but he soon regained control of himself and replaced it with an anger sneer. "Well, I'm sure it's nothing that _I_ would have any trouble with."

Nova did not find Gav's confidence to be at all reassuring. 

"Wait," Gav said in a voice much softer than before as he pointed to a spot in the distance. "Do you see that? Over there?"

"What over where?" Nova squinted, but all she could see were blurs of color. However, she could sense life up ahead: simple animal life.

"There! Is there something wrong with your eyes?" there was venom in his voice as he asked.

"There's nothing wrong with them, they just work differently." Her answer was calm and well-practiced. This was not the first time she had to say that every thing.

"Doesn't that mean the same thing?"

"It doesn't! Anyway, there is something alive over there, I can feel it, and I think it's very dangerous and very hungry."

"And I don't think it knows we're here yet. Want to give it a nasty surprise?" Gav didn't wait for a response or waste another moment planning. He readied his practice blade and dashed toward the creature at a full sprint.

_That's not how you catch something off guard!_ Nova thought, annoyed, as she raced close behind, her own blade ready.

As they came closer, Nova could see that the blurry creature was a Tuk'ata. Two weak and weary new initiates with practice blades out hunting large armored beasts. They were doomed.

Adrenal surged through her veins as she moved forward and as the Tuk'ata approached just as fast. She felt a flurry of fear and excitement, but Nova had to remind herself to stay focused and keep control. The Force helped her senses best when she could focus clearly, and now that her life was actually in danger, the last thing she wanted to do was to go in swinging blindly.

The beast was within her striking range and poised to lunge at them. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes just before she made her first swing, sensing the Tuk'ata and its movements, as well as Gav's and her own. Though only moments ago her body was sore and tired from sparring, now she felt no pain and no fatigue: only power and the urge to keep fighting. Most of her blows hit the beast's tough skin, but she was evenly matched. Claws and teeth pierced and scratched her skin, but Nova tried her best to push through the pain.

In time, the Tuk'ata began to slow. Every attack and movement was strained and desperate until it let out a piteous moan and collapsed to the the ground. Gav swung at it a few more times, just to be sure.

"Well," Gav said as he kicked the carcass. He was breathing heavily, and his voice was breathy and weak. "That was easy enough. I could do this all day."

Nova wanted to roll her eyes at him but at to admit that she admired his optimism. She was already out of breath and exhausted, and she knew that Darth Zythyr would not be satisfied knowing they had only killed on Tuk'ata. "Cut off a claw, I want to go back with some proof," she said to Gav. She was just as out of breath as he was. "And quickly, I think I sense another one coming."

Gav stooped down to follow Nova's request, and by the time he was upright and stuffing the the claw into his pocket, the sound of heavy and fast approaching footsteps was plain to hear. Nova and Gav held their weapons ready and braced for the start of another battle. A second rush of adrenaline gave Nova the burst she needed to find the strength and energy to fight on, but it was not quite and strong as the first. She still felt soreness in her muscles, tightness in chest, and when the Tuk'ata made contact with its teeth or claws, she could not ignore the pain. Still, the pair was able to take down the beast, this time Nova delivered the killing blow and took a claw as proof.

The rest of the afternoon went on in much the same was. Nova and Gav fought Tuk'ata after Tuk'ata, and each fight was harder, longer, and took more out of them. The seventh battle was especially taxing and left both of them bruised, badly bleeding, and dizzy. 

"You think that's enough?" Nova asked through labored breaths.

"It has to be. Looks like the sun will set soon, and I don't want to be out after dark."

"Right," Nova answered with a nod. She wasn't sure whether she should feel relieved or anxious. The fighting was done, but with her tired, wobbly legs the walk back to the academy seemed just as impossible.

"So, I was thinking..." That smug smirk was back on Gav's face. "I'll take credit for killing the ones whose claws I have, and you take credit for yours. Is that agreeable to you?"

"Nova narrowed her eyes. "No, of course not. We worked together, and you have three more than me!"

Gave said nothing else and broke into a sprint toward the academy. Nova dashed after him, straining her mind to use the Force both to speed up her weakened legs and to sense Gav's location relative to herself. However, neither were running for long when Nova heard a sickening snap. Gav fell to the ground and let out a guttural cry. Nova rushed to his side and looked down at him. Even with her blurred vision she could still tell that his ankle was bent in such a way that no human ankle should bend. He tried to stand again, but collapsed immediately

"Well?" He hissed. The pain was clear in his voice. "I don't think I can stand. Are you going to stare at me, or are you going to help me? We can split the credit, just how you want."

Part of her would have been happy to leave him to die, but it didn't seem quite fair. All he had done was been impossibly annoying and arrogant. He grated on her nerves, but he hadn't yet done anything that made him deserve to die. Still, there was an opportunity to get something more out of this.

"I don't have any kolto, so the best I can do is help you walk."

"That's all I need."

"And I want all of your claws."

"I'd rather stay here and die!" he scoffed.

"Suit yourself," Nova replied with a shrug. She turned and walked away slowly, secretly hoping that he would swallow his pride and accept her offer. She wasn't quite sure she could leave him to die.

"Wait!" Gav called, and nova turned around to face him, holding back a sigh of relief. She walked back toward him, much quicker than she had walked away. He held an outstretched hand to her, a fist full of Tuk'ata claws. "Take them, but you have to say I was hurt in battle, not that I just tripped like an uncoordinated idiot."

Nova took the claws and put them into her pockets. "You have a deal. Let me help you to your feet." She bent over, held Gav's hand, and pulled him up--nearly losing her own balance in the process."

"And I don't want anyone to know you helped me," Gave added as he wrapped an arm around Nova's shoulders to support his injured side.

"Believe me, I don't want anyone to know I helped you either. You'll have to limp or crawl the last stretch on your own, so you won't be seen leaning on me."

"I'll be able to walk by the time we get back, I'm sure," Gav grumbled.

And so the pair walked back to the academy: One awkward, aching body with four exhausted legs, only three of which could be used.


	4. Trials

The night before Nova thought she had been in pain, but compared to how she felt this morning that was only a mild annoyance. Her head was spinning, splotchy bruises covered her skin, and her limbs were so tight and heavy that even the slightest movement took monumental effort. She survived the task that Darth Zythyr gave her, and she survived the long walk back to the academy, but Nova doubted whether she could manage to survive much more. Darth Zythyr was unlikely to go easy on them today, she knew it.

Again, the four imitates with their practice blades were gathered together with Darth Zythyr. Gav looked at least as worn down as she did, and he clearly favored his uninjured left side. Roth and Jemma both looked refreshed and well rested. Darth Zythyr looked from one imitate to the next, a sneer creeping onto his face as he studied Nova and Gav.

"I'm honestly surprised to see the both of you alive and well. Tell me, what manner of creatures did you manage to kill, and how many?"

"Seven Tuk'ata, my lord," Nova answered. Her heart jumped. She had no idea if she was a convincing liar or not and had not even considered it when she made her deal with Gav.

"Seven? And all on your own? That's rather impressive."

"I have their claws to prove it." She reached into her pocket and showed him a handful of Tuk'ata claws, trying to keep her fingertips from shaking.

"Most impressive, and here I thought you we so weak and hopeless," he answered with and before turning to Gav. "And you?"

Nova should have felt relieved that Zythyr moved on without further question, but she was still fearful for Gav. There would surely be stiff consequences for returning empty handed, and he was in no state to make it through another day like yesterday. If he kept up his end of their deal, or if he didn't have some elaborate story in mind to explain...

"Nothing, my lord. I didn't kill anything." His voice was soft and shaky.

"Nothing?" Disgust was clear in Darth Zythyr's voice. He leaned in close to Gav's face. "You spent hours out in The Valley of the Dark Lords, you are clearly battered and injured, and yet you did not manage to kill anything? Is that correct?"

"That's correct, my lord."

"Well, you must be terrible at fighting but also extraordinarily hard to kill, which I suppose could be worth something. Clearly, you still need more practice. You will spar with each of the other initiates, starting with Jemma."

Jemma had a slight confident smile on her face as she stepped forward and readied her blade. Carefully, Gav also stepped forward, uneven and wobbly on his feet. He tried to take the first strike, a weak and unbalanced swing that made him stumble forward. Jemma blocked his blow with little effort, and her counterattack was enough to throw him off of his shaky balance. Gav's weak ankle collapsed under his weight, and he screamed in pain. Even after he fell, Jemma did not stop. She gave him a few more strikes while he was down.

"That's enough!" Darth Zythyr shouted as he stepped forward. He looked down at Gav, the disgusted look still on his face. "I didn't think it was possible, but you've gotten worse."

"I haven't," he shouted desperately as he forced himself to scramble back to his feet, trying to keep his weight off of his bad ankle. "I only slipped, I'll gladly fight her again! Her or anyone else!"

"Endless arrogance and enthusiasm, but no skill to back it up. I'm afraid that letting you stay and spar with your more worthy peers would only waste my time and theirs. You will return to The Valley of the Dark Lords, and you will not come back unless you have the claws of eight Tuk'ata you killed yourself!"

There was a look of total panic on Gav's face, but he hid it quickly with a peal of obviously faked laughter. "Eight? No trouble at all! I'll come back with twenty!" He pointed at Nova before he began to limp away. "Twenty!"

A knot of guilt twisted up inside her. He wouldn't survive out there, and even if he was uninjured and well rested he would have poor chances on his own. It was her fault he had to go off alone, if she had told the truth about how they worked together for their kills he wouldn't be facing certain death, not yet at least. Nova took a deep breath and tried to crush those feelings. They were weak, they weren't the sort of feelings that would help her. She did what she had to to help herself. There was no need for her to feel guilt when he chose to go along with the lie she started, and he had to know there would be consequences. It was nobody's fault but his own.

"Now that he's out of the way, shall we proceed? Nova and Roth, I haven't yet seen the two of you against each other. Step forward."

Nova stepped forward and tried to clear her mind. She couldn't let herself be distracted by guilt, or pain, or her nagging fears that Roth would defeat her just as easily as he defeated Gav the other day.

She took a deep breath as she eased into a ready position and tried to reassure herself that she could win if she focused on her technique and on using the Force to show her what her eyes could not. She tried to focus, but Roth rushed toward her to make the first move, and she felt a sudden surge of fear. Nova parried, but found that there was more power behind the blow than she expected. Another surge of fear gripped her.

Fear was the key; she had said the words but had not seen it herself. Even tired and sore, yesterday she fought better when her life was actually in danger, fueled by the primal urge to live another day. Nova unleashed a mighty swing, and though Roth blocked it with little effort, she surprised herself with her own strength and power.

_If I don't beat him, I'm going to die,_ she reminded herself as she blocked another one of Roth's swings--which took less effort than the first. That was what was at stake. To succeed was to live and to fail was to die.

_I am not going to die_.

She swung again, even faster and stronger than before, and she felt the satisfying sensation of her weapon making contact with skin.

_I am NOT going to die!_

With a loud grunt, she took another blow and landed another hit. Roth lost his balance and fell to the ground. Nova was still in a frenzy and swung again and again, her heart racing and her breathing fast and heavy.

"I yield! I yield!" Roth yelled as he struggled to get back on his feet.

It took all for her self control for Nova to find the self control to hold back from taking another strike, but she stepped back and lowered her practice blade.

"Well, I'm surprised. I suppose your time in the Valley did you some good after all. Catch your breath. Jemma, step forward to fight Roth."

Nova did not, however, take this time to rest. She'd probably have to fight again, and if she wanted to win...no, if she wanted to _live_ she would have to stay hunger and keep her wild frenzy. She reminded herself that she would have to be quicker than Jemma, or stronger than Roth, or better yet both if she didn't want to end up like Gav. Nova focused closely on the Force so she could sense and observe the two other initiates to see how they fought and to find any flaws. Roth was powerful and precise but slow. Jemma was quick but had little strength...Nova didn't learn anything new observing them, but it did help fuel the wave of energy she tried to ride. She didn't know who she would have to fight next, but she would have to overpower them to stay alive. She was not going to die.

Roth and Jemma were evenly matched for skill, and their fight went on longer than any other had so far. In time, though Jemma's swift movements began to slow, and she could not keep up her tempo. Without enough strength to compensate for her lost speed, Roth gained the advantage. In only a few powerful blows he knocked Jemma to the ground, and as soon as she feel she meekly breathed out the word "Yield."

"And here I expected you to have a better day. Disappointing. Roth, you are done here. Darth Bezor wished to speak to you. Nova and Jemma, after your final bout you will each have a turn to speak to speak to Darth Bezor as well."

As Nova got back into her ready stance, she tried to stir up that life-preserving fear and adrenaline. _She's fast, but I need to be faster. She's tired, but so am I. I couldn't survive another one of Zythyr's punishments. I need to defeat her to survive. I am not going to die. I am not going to die!_

Nova made the first move this time, letting out a grunt as she swung her blade with all her might. Jemma blocked it, but could barely manage to hold Nova back. With her speed reduced from fatigue, Jemma was a much easier opponent to fight, but she still blocked Nova's every move. Worse yet, Nova found her own strength and speed failing. The fuel that kept her going was beginning to burn out, and each movement drained more energy than the last. A glancing blow that grazed off of her shoulder reminded Nova that she needed to win this fight.

_Not this time!_

She took a risk, bending her knees to dip down and swinging her blade at Jemma's legs. Her risk had the desired effect: catching Jemma off guard and knocking her to the ground. Jemma didn't give up as easily this time. She moved frantically to get back on her feet, but that was more time for Nova to swing again and again. Jemma couldn't regain her footing and fell again. This time she backed down, softly breathing "Yield." Just like before, Nova had to hold herself back to keep from attacking again and again.

"Don't rely on tricks and surprises too much, Nova. They only work once." Zythyr's voice was flat and plain. Nova could not tell if he was impressed with her fighting or not. "Jemma, you may speak with Darth Bezor next, and for your own sake try to find some damn courage."

* * *

 

As she waited, Nova was alone with her feelings and the burden they gave her. The excitement from the fights only lingered around for a short while, and soon guilt and worry came back to her. She tried to push them out of her mind, or to bury them, or turn them into some other, more useful emotion, but they were twisted so deep inside that such a task seemed impossible.

She took one deep breath and then another. Maybe he would come back; he had enough fire and bold pride that he could perhaps pull off something incredible. Whatever happened to him was his own fault for not thinking to stand up for himself. Whatever happened, she could find something useful from this: namely her hatred and anger toward Darth Zythyr. Each thought she tried to use to reassure herself felt hollow and dull, maybe it would be for the best to just forget the whole thing.

Seeing Jemma approach her was enough to make her do just that. "You're next," the other initiate said as she passed without stopping or even looking at Nova.

Her heart jumped again, and it raced nearly as fast as it did during the earlier fight. Nova took a deep breath to calm herself before she turned to go to Darth Bezor's office. She did not want to know what her mother had to say to her.

Once she stepped inside, the door closed behind her. Her mother was seated behind the esk, an annoyed look on her face. There was little resemblance between the two of them: they had the same red hair, but that was it. Darth Bezor was tall and broad with sharp features, and Nova was shorter and more soft and round. She tried not to let her nerves show on her face, but she also doubted that she could hide anything from her own mother.

"You look like a Hutt knocked you down and sat on you," Darth Bezor said.

"I _feel_ like a Hutt knocked me down and sat on me," Nova replied with a shaky laugh. Dammit, that was not going to make her seem any more confident.

"I'm disappointed in you. I expected you to be skilled in the saber arts." The annoyance in her voice was clear, and it made Nova's blood boil. 

"I did much better today!" Nova snapped. Was this all that this meeting was going to be about? Just her mother nagging her? She had more than enough of that before she ever stepped foot on Korriban! 

_"Not well enough to please me!" Darth Bezor snapped back. "You were supposed to be the top initiate from the start! Must I remind you of the numerous advantages you have over the others? Your early training? Your two highly Force sensitive parents?"_

"It might be a better reminder if you would actually tell me who my father is," Nova grumbled, thoughts becoming words she could pause to think about what she was saying. 

"Not a good time, Nova." It was never a good time, she was stupid to mention it. "Know that I expected to be impressed by you, but I am not. I can't bring myself to give up hope, but I still rank you third out of three." 

"Four, Mother. Gav hasn't died yet." She had to say it, partly for her own reassurance. 

"Don't contradict me. You are dismissed." 

_Nova gave a respectful bow before she turned to leave. That meeting went even worse than she expected._


	5. Responsibility and guilt

Today was free for Nova to spend how she pleased, but she would have much rather had some sort of structure; it would have given her a better sense of focus and direction. Instead a flurry thoughts and feelings swirled inside her as she tried to muddle through some sort of a plan in the hope of accomplishing something productive today. Gav had still not returned, and though Nova heard no reports or rumors that his body had been found, she knew in her heart that he was gone. No one would have made any kind of a fuss over one unskilled initiate killed in training, anyway. 

The best she could do was try to keep herself busy so they nasty feelings would have no chance to creep in and take hold. One advantage of a free day was that she could give her still aching body a chance to recover before she had to push herself again. She needed more practice in combat, but more than that she needed some rest when she could take it. Nova chose to spend her day reading up on Sith history, but reading was always a bit more of a challenge for her. She took her datapad outside to a sunny spot (she would have to endure the heat to have enough light to read), and she held it close to the tip of her nose.

It also took considerable concentration for her to make sense of the words and absorb the information, so much that paid much less attention to her other senses, including the Force. She did not see, hear, or sense the older man who approached until he spoke.

"Nova Gri, I presume?"

Nova nearly jumped when he spoke, but she quickly calmed herself. "Yes, my lord, and, I'm sorry, but have we met?" He wasn't close enough for her to get a good look at his face, and his voice was unfamiliar.

"We have, but only briefly, and it was very long ago. I don't expect you remember. My name is Darth Kordath."

"Darth Kordath? I've heard my mother talk about you before." Nova didn't dare mention that the things her mother said were far from complimentary: that Darth Kordath was soft, weak, and hardly worth of the title and influence he held. She tried not to let her mother's opinions influence her own; it was best if she thought for herself.

"Well, that's reassuring," Kordath replied in a sarcastic, playful tone. "If your opinion of me isn't already too low, I would like to speak to you privately."

Nova hesitated before giving an answer. This was someone her mother didn't like at all, and if he felt the same way toward her it would be nothing short of foolish to run off somewhere alone with him. At the same time, if what her mother said was true, he couldn't be that much of a threat.

"Must it be completely private?" Nova asked. "Or, could we just find a quiet corner?"

Kordath gave a nod. "A reasonable request, though some of the things I would like to talk about are of a more personal nature. Walk with me, I'm sure we can find somewhere suitable to talk."

The pair walked side by side in silence for a short while. The academy was crowded, and Nova doubted that they could find a spot that was was private enough without being entirely secluded, but in time they found a nice corner of a mostly empty practice room. Two initiates were inside sparring, but they seemed to be too focused on what they were doing to care much about any conversations that might go on.

"I still don't think it's ideal, but I'm willing to talk here if it suits you," Kordath said in a soft voice. Nova's only answer was a nod. Kordath lowered his voice to just above a whisper as he continued."Nova, I've been watching you. You aren't like other Sith, and I mean that as praise."

"And what makes you say that?" Her heart raced, and she struggled to keep her voice just as Darth Kordath's. She didn't wait for his answer before she began to try and puzzle out what he could have meant, but she couldn't come up with anything on her own. The past two days only showed her how unremarkable she was.

"I saw you helping Gav Lokar, and now that he's surely dead, it's plain to see that you're deeply troubled. You cared about him, and you seem to have a rare selfless heart."

"I do not!" she snapped, forgetting to keep her voice soft. She looked over to the others who shared the room, and they still seemed too focused on their sparring to have noticed her outburst. "And I don't care for Gav at all, I couldn't stand him.!"

"You don't have to like a person to care about what might happen to them." Kordath's voice was still calm and quiet.

"And I'm telling you that I don't care. I just felt responsible for what happened to him, that's all." Though she remembered to whisper this time, there was still an acidic bite in her words.

"Responsible or guilty?"

Nova's heart jumped again, and she felt a knot form in the back of her throat. He was right: the weight of guilt and remorse dragged her down. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, but she did...not that she would ever dare admit it.

"Why does it matter to you how I feel or what kind of heart I have?" Her voice was soft and uncertain.

"It matters because I have certain unusual and unpopular views, and if you share them I would like to have you as my apprentice."

Nova's eyes widened. That was not the answer she was expecting. Her mother's harsh words from the other day made her feel as though she stood a slim chance of surviving Korriban and becoming anyone's apprentice. "What views are those?" she asked.

Darth Kordath looked around the room before answering, double checking that the others were still not paying them any attention. He leaned closer and spoke in a whisper. "I think the Sith can be too extreme, that there's too much political infighting, and that those who would only use the Force for personal gain are missing out on using their power to its fullest potential."

Nova stared wide eyed and perplexed. She didn't quite understand what he was trying to explain, but it did explain why her mother thought him to be weak willed and soft. "What you're saying...it all sounds very light-sided."

"Does it really, though?" Darth Kordath allowed his voice to raise a bit, but he still spoke softly. "Can anger not be righteous? Hatred fueled by desire for justice? Fiery passion to protect others? I don't support emotionless inner peace like the Jedi, rather I believe that the Dark Side can be a powerful tool to those who would be protectors and defenders."

"I think I understand," Nova answered with a nod. "It's very different from what I've been taught, but I think I understand. What would I need to do to prove myself worthy of being your apprentice?"

"You've already done that. You need only to make your choice"

There were two options: to turn down Kordath's offer would put her right back where she was, fighting with Roth and Jemma to become her mother's apprentice, and she wasn't sure that was a battle she could win. With Kordath, her future felt more secure and more certain, and more importantly the words he said resonated with her. Fighting to earn whichever scraps of power she could never appealed to her much; it was simply something she was expected to do.

She took a deep breath before she spoke. "I would be honored to accept your offer."

"Then I suppose it's time you constructed your lightsaber, apprentice."

No turning back now.


	6. Chapter 6

By the next morning, there was still no sign of Gav, no word of whether or not a body had been found.  Nova’s heart was still heavy, but those feelings lingered more toward the back of her mind.  At the same time she felt the thrill of keeping a secret that no one knew, and she had a rather dramatic reveal planned...either dramatic or foolish.  Possibly both.

Today, she and the remaining initiates were meant to spar one last time, Darth Bezor watching over.  Nova arrived late to where the others were gathered: a bold bounce in her step and a cocky smile on her face.  Her right hand was tucked inside the long black robe she wore, resting on something that hung from her belt.

“Look who finally decided to join us,” Darth Bezor called out in an annoyed tone.  “And I can’t imagine why you look so pleased with yourself.  I did remind you that you rank third out of three, did I not?”

“You did,”  Nova’s heart raced with excitement, but she tried to give off the impression that she was calm and cool.  “And I didn’t think it mattered if I was here on time or not because I don’t really need to be here at all.”

“You don’t need to be here?”  Darth Bezor’s tone was sharp but also a bit perplexed and curious.  “And what makes you so sure of that?”

Nova’s cocky smile only grew, and her heart jumped in her chest.  She had been looking forward to this moment ever since she thought it up the night before.  With a fluid motion and a little flourish, Nova drew the lightsaber that her robe concealed and ignited its crimson blade.  “I already agreed to become Darth Kordath’s apprentice, so I don’t need to fight to become yours.”

“You did what?”  Bezor was nearly shouting now, but Nova tried to stand her ground and keep a cool head.  “And after all I’ve done for you.  You knew that I wanted you as my apprentice all along.  You knew how I feel about Kordath.”

“You didn’t want me though!”  Nova couldn’t keep control over herself anymore, shouting even though she didn’t mean to, and her grip on her lightsaber tightened.  Jemma and Roth stared wide eyed, but they shrank back a bit.  “Darth Kordath has already shown me more respect than you ever have.  Third out of three, you said it yourself.”

“In the hopes that it would motivate you to improve!”  Darth Bezor’s voice now boomed at its full volume, attracting the attention of a handful of passers-by.  Nova had heard her mother use that voice before, rarely, though often enough for Nova to know that nothing good ever went along with that voice.  Hearing it again made her second guess all of her recent choices beginning with just speaking to Darth Kordath, and she felt like a small child who just realized they made a huge mistake.  Still, she was determined not to let it show that she felt anything less than perfectly self- assured.

“My choice is made,” Nova answered.  Her bold cockiness was gone, and her voice was soft and shaky.

“Then leave us.”  The volume of Darth Bezor’s voice was back to normal, but it still had a clear, angry edge.

“Gladly,”  Nova had nothing more to say.  She simply deactivated her lightsaber and turned to go, moving quickly to put space between herself and her mother.

 

* * *

 

Nova couldn’t quite make sense of everything she felt.  It was all a mess of anger, fear, regret, and maybe a little sadness.  When she was younger, Nova had always looked forward to when she would grow up and start her own life out from under her mother’s shadow, but  now it was happening so differently from how she imagined, and the future that lay ahead intimidated her.   
  
It was a lot to process, but she didn’t have time to deal with it now.  She had to meet with Darth Kordath, and she wanted a clear head and no distractions when she spoke with him.  Later, she could sort through her swirling, twisty emotions and maybe draw some power from them.

She took a deep breath as stood outside the door to Darth Kordath’s office, and she only had to wait a short while before it slid open.  Her heart began to race again, this time from excitement and maybe a little nervousness.  It had been intimidating to speak with a Darth before, but she now found that approaching her master as a new apprentice was a whole different sort of intimidating.  Nova wasn’t sure where she stood or what would be expected of her, and she had a feeling that would never go away.

“Come in,” Darth Kordath said from behind his desk.  He sat with rigid posture.  “I take it you didn’t have a clean break with your mother?”

Nova stepped inside, a surprised look on her face.  “You heard about that already?  It only happened a few minutes ago.”

“The way the two of you were screaming I could have heard it from the other side of the planet,” Kordath answered with a slight smile.  “You know it would have been wiser to say nothing and let her figure it out on her own.”

Nova said nothing and only pouted.  He was probably right, but she didn’t want to admit it.  Admitting he was right was nearly the same as admitting that she was wrong.

“No matter, what’s done is done, and it’s time we moved on.  I have business on Drommund Kass, and a lot I would like to teach you.”

“What sort of business?  And what do I need to learn?”  There was excitement in her voice.

“I admire your enthusiasm, but you need to trust that I will tell you what you need to know it.”  Darth Kordath rose to his feet and stepped out from behind the desk.  “Come, we should head toward my ship.”

“Yes, my master,”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nova and Darth Kordath head for Drommund Kass

First stepping foot into a new and unfamiliar place was always a little unsettling for Nova. She found that she had to rely on her Force sense a little more strongly to judge space and distance until she could form a mental map to use (though, something as simple as moving the furniture could wreck that mental map). Out in the open, it was a little easier, with an abundance of life forms to sense and help her keep her bearings. On a ship, however, everything was so cold and blank, no life to sense except for Darth Kordath and...someone else.

“Someone’s here. I can feel them,” she said to her master in a high, frantic voice, speaking both quickly and softly. She had expected the two of them to be alone here.

“Well, I should hope my pilot is still in the cockpit,” he answered dryly as he began to walk along. “Come, you should meet her.”

The pilot, of course! A faint pink blush colored Nova’s cheeks. She felt her skin getting warmer and wished she could make it go away. How had she not thought of `something so simple and obvious? As she followed close behind her master, she tried to forget about that one little moment of foolishness.

As they walked through the ship, Nova paid close attention to her surroundings, using both the Force and her regular senses to know what was around her. Darth Kordath’s ship was plain and emptier than she expected: all blank walls and open space that made it feel larger than it was. The cockpit, however, felt like an entirely different place: small, cramped, and a dizzying blur of colorful blinking lights. In the pilot’s seat sat a tall figure with a shaved head; Nova was not close enough to make out any other details.

“Ashyra Lor.” Kordath spoke in a voice that Nova had not heard him use before: a little louder and much bolder and more commanding. “I would like for you to meet my new apprentice, Nova Gri.”

“Yes, my lord.” Ashyra rose to stand and turned to face Nova and Kordath and bowed to the latter. Her movements were a bit jumpy and nervous. Nova wasn’t sure how she felt about having her life in the hands of such a flighty pilot. “And it’s a pleasure and an honor to meet you.” She gave Nova a respectful bow as well, which Nova returned with a slight nod of her head.

“Ashyra, it’s past time I left for Drommund Kass, Set in a course, I would like to arrive as soon as possible,” Kordath commanded in the same bold tone.

“”Right away, my lord,” Ashyra replied with another polite bow, a smaller one, before she returned to her seat and went to work at the controls. Nova leaned close and squinted, trying to make sense of what she was doing: piloting had always fascinated her, even if she had never been able to figure out the first thing about how to do it.

“Nova, come along. I’d like to speak privately about a few things with you during the journey.” Kordath’s voice softened when he spoke to her, but it still held some of that power.  
“Of course, my lord.”Nova answered and Kordath turned to leave the cockpit. He was already a few steps ahead of her, and she had to pick up her pace to keep up. Nova made an extra effort to reach out with her Force sense as she followed. His ship was quite empty, but Nova would rather not stumble across an unexpected turn or step.

Kordath led the way through the ship and into the lounge. Like the rest of the ship, it was blank, open, and sparsely furnished: only three sleek metal chairs arranged around a low table. Kordath sat in one chair and leaned back, his posture relaxed. Nova took that as a her cue to sit down as well, next to him. However, she couldn’t shake off the tension in her spine and shoulders, and her own posture was much more rigid than his.

“You’re so stiff. Try to relax a bit. This is supposed to be one of the easier parts of our journey, I don’t know if you’ll have another chance.”

Nova took a deep breath, and as she let it out, she tried to make her shoulder drop down and let her back settle into her seat. It didn’t work. “I always thought that to relax was to let one’s guard down.”

“Is that really what you think, or are you repeating something you heard?

She had to pause to think about how to carefully form her answer. “A little of both. It may be true enough sometimes, but I don’t think everything is always so extreme.”

Kordath nodded slowly. “A good answer. And do you think now is the best time to remain so tense and with your guard up like that? All I want to do is talk.”

“It might be, if you try to pry into anything too personal.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind. I was hoping to have more of a conversation than an interrogation. I’m curious, what was it like growing up with Darth Bezor as your mother? I have to admit, I have a hard time imagining her as a nurturing parent.” 

“That’s very close to being too personal,” Nova answered bluntly. “But she did have a bit more warmth and kindness than she showed in public. Not much, though.” If her mother knew she had described her in such a way she would be furious. Her stomach tied up in knots thinking about it, and she tried to calm down by reminding herself that her mother’s opinions really didn’t matter now that she had chosen to start a whole new life for herself.

“I don’t need to know more than that. If you like, you may ask me a personal question. I don’t mind.”

Nova paused to ponder her question, a thoughtful look was on her face for just a moment before it lit up with excitement and just a bit of pride. “So what exactly will we be doing on Drommund Kass?”

“That isn’t a personal question.”

“But it’s the only one I want answered.”

“Soon. Before we leave this room, even, but I would like a few of my own questions answered first.”

The slight pout on Nova’s face plainly showed her disappointment, but she still gave a polite nod.

“Tell me about what you’ve learned and practiced, so far as abilities and talents go.”

Good, that one wasn’t prying or awkward at all. Nova’s posture finally relaxed a bit, and a proud smile replaced her pout. “I’m well practiced in combat, and…”

“A novice in combat, at best,” Kordath interrupted. I’ve seen you spar.”

Again, Nova pouted. “...And I recently started learning how to use lightening.”

Kordath nodded. “I should like to see that talented more developed as well. How is your telekinesis?”

“Strong.”

“Care to demonstrate?”

Nova glanced around the room, narrowing her eyes to focus on a chair in the far corner: perfect. She turned toward it, took a deep breath and focused as hard as she could as she gave a showy flourish of her hands. All she wanted to do was pull it closer. It should have been simple, but the chair wouldn’t move. Nova narrowed her eyes and screwed up her face in frustrated concentration before the chair ripped violently from the floor, rushed toward them, and stopped short just in time to avoid hitting anyone. Of course she chose a chair that was bolted to the floor…

Kordath chuckled softly. “Impressive, but in the future try not to tear apart my ship. Now I think there is one more very important skill that neither of us have mentioned…”

“My Force sight.”

“Exactly. I’m curious about just how well-refined this talent is, how well you can sense and see.”  
Nova sat a little straighter and her shoulders and back relaxed a little, her ego just a little inflated. “If I focus on it I’m nearly just as aware of my surroundings as anyone with the full use of their eyes.”

“And when did you begin to learn this skill?”

“When I was very young. My mother insisted that I always use the Force to fill in what my eyes couldn’t see. She thought my poor vision was more of asset for that reason.”

“After all those years of practice, I expected you to be better at it,” Darth Kordath replied with a heavy sigh.

Nova tensed up again and leaned forward in her seat. “I think I”m quite good!” she snapped, defensively.

“But not quite good enough,” Kordath’s tone and posture were still relaxed. “No need to worry over it. I wouldn’t have asked you to be my apprentice if I didn’t have faith in your ability to improve the skills you already have. I would like to see you refine your Force sense to where you can do more than let it suppliment your vision. You should be able to use it to sense more than that, and it should be effortless.”

“And you can teach me how to do this?” Nova shifted her shoulders and she spoke, trying to let out some of her tension.

“I’ll admit, I’ve never had to use use Force sense in the way that you must, but I can show you how to strengthen your connection to the Force and how to use it more effectively. That may well be the key.”

Nova responded with a small, respectful nod, but she remained skeptical. Her mother had made similar promises before, many times, and still her skills had room for improvement.

“I think that’s all I want to know for now. We can talk more later, but for now I’d like to tell you more about our business on Drommund Kass.”

Nova perked up ready to listen., spine straight but leaning forward slightly. “Yes my master?”

“It has to do with the vision I briefly mentioned before, how I hope to reshape the Empire to be less extreme and to use the Dark Side to better serve the greater good.” Kordath spoke a bit bolder and louder. His pride was clear, and also infectious. Nova felt a swell of excitement. So, her first task a Sith apprentice would be to help overthrow the government? 

“I’ve found a handful of influential figures who share my views,” Kordath continued. “I’m sure you understand why I’ve needed to be careful in how I find supporters, but I’ve made arrangements to that we can meet safely.”

So, her actual first task as a Sith apprentice would be networking.

“Before we arrive on Drommund Kass, I have some documents for you to read. It would reflext poorly on both of us if you were not well informed.”

So, her actual, real first task was reading.

“Of course, my master.” Nova hid her disappointment well.


End file.
